February 13th, 2008 by Lou

This is how my day goes - I wake up some time around 10 or 11, loaf around, eat some lunch, then get ready for school. I’ve been falling behind badly with practise and homework, and it doesn’t help that lately I’ve been having more depressed days than okay days. The Cymbalta seems to be very sometimeish. At $12.60 a pop, that shit is not cool. I don’t know if it’s because my social life isn’t what it used to be, or if it’s because school is getting tough or if V-Day is tomorrow. But at the same time I’m not exactly as suicidal as I used to be, wanting to slash my wrists and be done with it. And even though I seem to be doing very little, I am trying my best to find a job (sending out resumes and scouring the classifieds) and I actually made a new header for the next layout I plan to put up. I’m very pleased with it, even if it isn’t the best in the world. I actually went down the celebrity route (something I vowed I’d never do after my Nelly Furtado layout) because I saw a set of pictures that made up a perfect theme. I won’t say anymore. It’ll be a surprise. I said in my last entry that I’d post again on Wednesday, and behold, today’s Wednesday and here I am, posting. If I’m not getting better, at least I’m dealing with my illness with more…I don’t know…dealing with it well.

Valentine’s Day is for pussies. I say this because everyone is running around buying sexy red lingerie, chocolates in red, heart-shaped boxes and other such crap. If you’ve been married to someone for 15 years and you still love them after all this time (and they still love you), then I can see a reason in celebrating Valentine’s Day. A romantic dinner or whatever. But if you’re a 21 year old female who’s had a boyfriend for like a month, why even bother? Is it going to last? Is he going to cheat on you? You just don’t know. Maybe I’m a little sour that I’m not exactly in a relationship, but it just seems so flawed…Valentine’s should be a day to celebrate everlasting love, between two people who have been through thick and thin, who have been to hell and back together, who have shown each other that there’s no one else but them - not for giggly 16 year olds. (I’ve been seeing too much of that lately.) But I AM going to spoil myself tomorrow though - I’m going to buy my OWN chocolates in a red, heart shaped box, I’m going to get myself my OWN V-Day present and I’m going to shower myself with self-praising compliments. Or maybe I’ll end up making love to my ex. Any way you take it, I’m sure to have a good day.